Is That A Shit!!!!

Interesting Morning

I was going to have this post talk about the protestors at the San Diego Comic Con; however, I decided to share the morning that I had today.

Don't Worry Ass Clowns........I Will Get To You Next.





Sooooo.....the morning actually started out pretty normal.  I got up early and did my morning routine; I usually like to have an extra 10-15 minutes just in case I decide to "rub one out."  After finishing up with everything, I had about an hour before I needed to head to my office and decided to take Apollo to the dog park. 

My dog Apollo is a Sharpie/Lab/Pit Mix; basically, he is a 65 pound baby that thinks he is still a lap dog.  I try to get him out as much as possible because he is extremely hyper and doesn't like to be cooped up in the house.  Plus, if I don't take him out, he will vent his frustrations on the house garbage can; which ends in me being deputized as a US HAZMAT Team Member.

Because Fuck You........That's Why



Getting back to the story, I got all my stuff ready for the trip/work and left the house shortly after.  First, I walked Apollo around the yard so he could do his business before we headed to he Dog Park.  After a few minutes of him sniffing the neighborhood cuisine, I got him into the back of my Dodge Journey and started the drive.  This is where it all goes downhill........

The dog park is a ten minute drive from my place and only requires me getting onto one road.  When it comes to car rides, Apollo is the best.  He will lay down on his dog blanket that I have in the back and won't sit up until we get to our destination.  About 2 minutes into the trip, Apollo sits up and starts to whine while he looks out the window.  The first thought that came to mind was that he probably smelled a piece of ass that had been lingering in the air.

My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Park



Nope......Hell No.......Bullshit Wrong........and I was about to find out how wrong I was.

I was watching Apollo from my rearview mirror and started to wonder what was troubling him.  Apollo whined for about 30 more seconds, looked at me, and proceeded to unleash a VOLCANIC SHIT all over my backseat.  I'm not talking about a normal shit that resembles a fucked up Jenga tower.  This shit came out of his ass with the power of a thermonuclear warhead; if there had been another dog around, that motherfucker would have stood up on his hind legs to salute Apollo.

                          Why Does This Shit (Literally) Happen To Me?                                             I Salue Thee, Major Shit!!

Needless to say, I had some wonderful things to say while all this was going on:

APOLLO!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!
WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EAT!!!!
WHERE DID THAT BONE COME FROM!!!
MY EYES ARE WATERING, I CAN'T SEE THE ROAD!!
I CAN TASTE IT, IT'S IN MY MOUTH AND I CAN TASTE IT!!!!    



The Blitzkrieg Bombing of my backseat lasted for about 15 seconds and ended with him farting for another 30.  I was hoping that Apollo would stay still until I could turn around and head back; however, that was too much to ask.  That hyper ass decided that he wanted to celebrate this momentous achievement by swimming around his ass blast for about 10 seconds and jumping to the front seat afterwards.  This, of course, caused me to swerve around and probably caused a 90 year old woman to pee for the first time in a week.

Ultimately, I stopped over at my daughter's GG's/Grandfather's house to grab some fabric/carpet cleaner to decontaminate my backseat.

Lesson Today:  Take a little extra time when you walk your dog......and don't assume that he was just concerned with a hint of tail.



A Good Cup of Shit Goes A Long Way